Upping the AGW Ante

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the waters...

The price of being environmentally kosher has just gone up.

First, you only had to change some light bulbs, drive a Prius, take the bus now and then, stop using plastic bags, and observe Earth Day, where you sit prominently in your living room window lit by candles where everyone can see you.

That, my friend was the good ol' days of global warming.

Then, the ante was upped when vegetarians pointed out all the methane gas produced by cattle used for human consumption. To be an environmentalist, you now also had to become a strict vegetarian.

Those were the grey days of global warming. We are now entering zone 3.

According to a recent article, if you continue to watch the latest episode of CSI Duluth or a Jaws DVD on that flat-panel TV screen we all know you have, you will kill us all. Seems that a greenhouse gas called nitrogen trifluoride, which is in the TVs, is 17,000 times more potent than carbon dioxide. That's like, for the reefer maniacs reading this, really strong weed, man. And, who knew? I've been brushing my teeth with trifluoride, or something very close to it, for years, and haven't noticed a thing.

Now, we all know that global warming gurus are not known to exaggerate or be alarmist, so when they say that the greenhouse gas impact of that TV sitting in your living room (you know who you are) is going to exceed that of the world's largest coal-fired power plants, I believe them. (I suppose the utterly worst sin you can now commit would be sitting watching a show about a coal-fired plant on your flat-screen TV.)

At any rate, to be kosher, can the car, ix-nay the meat, and deep-six the TV.

Oh yeah, and don't have any children.

In other words, cool it.

And that's the way the Ball bounces.