Breaking: BallBounces World Exclusive -- New Pope Named!!!!!

We have a new Pope.

In a world exclusive, the BallBounces reveals his name to the world.

It is, reliable sources tell us, Habemus Papam.

We wish Habemus all the best.

We are told that growing up the beloved Habemus was known by all as "Honest Habe".

And that's the way the papal Ball bounces.

Florida's Hairy-Legged Females

Who wants to go to the beach and be confronted with hairy-legged females? Call me a chauvinist, but I say Florida's hairy-legged females bite.

Giant Mutant Arctic Camel Latest Result Of Global Warming !!!!!!!

Camel (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

This should give Al Gore lots of ammunition. Do we really want hordes of giant mutant camels coming down from the Arctic defoiling our beautiful southern Canada neighborhoods, scavenging for, er, camel food, defecating, and terrorizing our maidens? Well, do we???!!!

And, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the photo on the right remind you of someone, in a self-satisfied Al-Gorish just-nailed-a-big-money-deal kind of way?

I'm Warming Up to CO2 Sequestration Masks!!!

Global warming ubx (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I'm Warming Up to CO2 Sequestration Masks!!!

Global warming climate realists rejoice -- here's the answer to human-induced CO2 pollution.

As a recent and enthusiastic convert to GWR (global warming reality) I can only say, it's about time!

I mean, look at that planet -- it's on fire!!!

I'm ordering one for me, one for the missus, and one each for Brady and Reggie!

And that's the way the warming-up-to-global- warming Ball bounces.

Related articles

• CO2 Sequestration Masks: A Harbinger of Coercions to Come?

If Quebec Doesn't Stop, I'm Leaving

English: Québec Province within Canada. Español: Provincia de Quebec en Canadá. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Province of Quebec 1774 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If Quebec doesn't stop with the threats, I'm leaving Canada. I mean it. I know I said I might 15 years ago, but this time I really mean it. I'm leaving. I'm gone. I'm outta here. Did you hear me, I'm leaving. Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Hello?

Related articles

• McMartin: I now think of Quebec as if it were a former girlfriend

Have I Been Bannned By Michael Mann?

Michael Mann is sparring with Mark Steyn over his hockey schtick. Steyn suggested the schtick has a non-regulation curve; Mann threatened to hip-check Steyn out of the rink, legally speaking. Steyn, in response to the threat of litigation, has said he'll need to inspect Mann's "climategate" emails jockstrap -- a jockstrap that Mann has been holding close to his scientific, er, vest.

Now, as regular readers of the Ball Bounces know, I'm a HUGE fan of Michael Mann. I thought I would give him a bit of encouragement, so I posted something along the following lines to his Adore-Me Facebook page.

"Why not preemptively release those emails now; that'll show 'em!".

Encouraging, right? Good advice, right?

Yet, shortly after I posted, my post was "disappeared", and there is no longer a prompt for me to post a new comment. I felt like I'd been "offed", encased in concrete, and thrown in the Penn State river.

Does this mean that I've been Banned By The Mann? Does this mean I didn't show sufficient reverence to the Great One? Does this mean that michael mann Himself read my post, thought about it, then pressed mannly finger to climate-heated keyboard and... bounced the Ball from the Mannoverse... forever?!

Has Mann given me the cosmic finger?! On the one hand, this means we are now cosmically connected -- I have had my own brush with The Great One. We are close! However, being banned leaves me feeling emotionally empty. It's a barren feeling, being banned is. It's like the Mannoverse I once inhabited and cavorted in, is now a sterile, dead wasteland of a burned out, lifeless universe. Ghost town city. I'm suffering. I feel sad, empty...

Can I sue?!

And that's the way the Ball got bounced.

Related articles

• Mark Steyn: Stick It Where the Global Warming Don't Shine
• Best Michael Mann headline evah
• Peter C Glover: The Climate Change Racket: Finally a 'Day in Court'?
• Watch Now: Morano on Sun News on Michael Mann's lawsuit against Mark Steyn & NRO: 'There is nothing shocking, unusual or wrong about what Mark Steyn said' about Mann
• Mann versus Steyn: popcorn time!
• Tim Worstall: Suing Mark Steyn For Libel: Has Michael Mann Ever Heard Of Oscar Wilde?
• Yay! Mike Mann took the bait, intends to file lawsuit against Steyn and NRO
• Michael Mann's Hissy Fit Shows Why Global Warming Alarmists Fear Debate
• Even NYT scratching its head at Mann: Michael Mann Threatens to Sue National Review for Defamation: 'Not for nothing did National Review's editor, Lowry, write , in effect, 'bring it on'
• Michael Mann Tries to Bully the Competitive Enterprise Institute

The Ball Bounces To The Toyota Service Shop -- And Comes Out Ahead!!! FINAL UPDATE: I drop the Vase

Basil Fawlty (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Ball bounced over to his friendly Toyota dealer in Charlottetown PEI for some annual servicing -- cabin air filter, oil change, tire rotation, rust check, a whack of fluids at the 150K mark. And, here's the deal. I got a coffee from their coffee-maker, and left without paying a dime!

I'm ahead!! For the first time in my life (channeling my inner Basil Fawlty) I'm ahead!!!!

updates to follow...

UPDATE1: I pocketed the keys by mistake, got a call around 2:00 pm, do I have the keys and I could I drop by with them. I do. While I am there, I help myself to another free cup of coffee!!!

I still haven't paid a dime!!!

Outgoing evil laugh:  Bwaahahahaha!

UPDATE2: I get "the call". I need a front brakes job, and will have to leave the car in overnight.

FINAL: I get the "pink slip". I drop the vase. Fluids, oil change, in-cabin air filter, headlamp, front brakes: $647 on the nose.

Minus two bucks for "free" coffee. D'oh!

And that's the way the vase-dropping Ball bounces.

97 Percent of World To End Tomorrow!!!!

English: Amnesty International Sections, 2005 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Greenland is melting, the polar bears are drowning and you're watching the Olympics. Have you no shame?

The article.

From the combox:

How is it that these people ( the BBC or NASA or the Royal Society or the Guardian
or the Independent or the National Academy of Sciences or the Prince of
Wales or Al Gore or any US TV broadcaster that isn't Fox) plus teachers, lecturers,  lazygoodfornothingstudents, the WWF, the Nazis, communists, Liberals,  greenies, the Boy Scout Movement, Greenpeace, Amnesty International, Blue Peter, The French and other lesser Europeans, The Red Cross plus many others and thousands of scientists and experts of every stripe, have banded together to destroy us by lying about the weather?
I mean, how did they manage this and what is it that they really want???

The BallBounces answers:

1. Alarmism fuels funding.
Scientists crave funding.
Hence, alarmism.

2. Climate change hysteria supports the leftist agenda of state control and redistribution of wealth(*).
Big Media is leftist.
Hence, alarmist articles.

* The BallBounces favors redistribution of weather. Canada is too cold.  Why should Arizona have all the heat? In the name of climate justice, Arizona, give us some heat!!!

Related articles

• NASA warns 97 percent of Greenland ice sheet surface melted in four days
• Unprecedented Greenland Ice Sheet Surface Melt
• Ice melt found across 97 percent of Greenland, satellites show
• Planetary Emergency issued by NASA

'Fraidy Cat Toronto Star Reporter "Offed" By Mayor: Canada's Grassy Knoll Moment

Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto, greeting a nun at the Mayor's 2011 Levee at City Hall. Toronto, Ontario, Canada. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It's taken Canada almost 50 years to have its Kennedy Assassination moment, but, here it is. Thursday May 3, 2012, a day that will be etched in Canadian minds forever. Who will forget where they were and what they were doing when they heard about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's offing of a 'Fraidy Cat Toronto Star Reporter?

OK, it wasn't exactly an offing. But the mayor did come out with guns ablazin', well, not two guns, one gun; OK, not an actual gun, that would be uncanadian, but he did come out with his finger and thumb ablazin', looking' like a gun (about as close as Canada gets to an actual assassination). Toronto's mayor was packin' Canadian heat! OK, maybe he had his hand clenched into a mighty mayoral fist. Whatever it was, it was mighty Canadian!

Mighty enough to cause the speak-truthiness-to-power Toronto Star reporter to freeze and cry "don't shoot!" before running off like the 'Fraidy Cop in Monk.

As the photo accompanying the article shows (read the article here) we've even got ourselves a grassy knoll with a wooden fence behind it. OK, it's not real grassy, but it is a knoll, or, if not an actual knoll, it certainly looks knolly or, at least, has a knoll-like quality to it in a Canadian kind of way.

Thursday, May 3, 2012. A day that will live in Canadian infamy. More Canadian than Wayne and Shuster. As Canadian as an ice cream sundae with a Don Cherry on top.

Already conspiracy nuts are asking, "was there a second reporter", and, more ominously (Dr. Evil finger in mouth moment), "a second mayor?".

Gotta ask you: where were you when you heard the shocking news?

Help Fund Bev Oda's Chaperone

Photo of Bev Oda wearing Tang-colored outfit as she addresses Parliament to apologize for the OJ scandal (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

"WASHINGTON NOGEY'S CREEK — The Secret Service PMO'S Office circulated “enhanced standards of conduct” on Friday from Director Mark Sullivan Miverds in response to the prostitution OJ scandal in Colombia London. The document, obtained by The Associated Press, BallBounces, instructed employees to “consider your conduct through the lens of the past several weeks.”"

Indeed.

"On at least some trips, two senior supervisors including one from the Secret Service’s BallBounces Office of Professional Responsibility will chaperone trips. Their responsibilities include briefing the standards of conduct prior to the departure, enforcing the rules in-country, and identifying local sources of Tang."

That's right, Ball Bouncers, I have been summoned to serve as chaperone for Bev Oda. I cannot let my PM or my country or my Aeroplan account down. I will be traveling first class, staying in 5-star digs along with Bev!!!  But, there's always unanticipated costs. Will you help fund my out-of-pocket expenses? Send $5 cash, cheque, or PayPal to BallBounces, c/o the Internet.

Your country thanks you. I thank you. Big Tang thanks you.

(Original article link, here.)

The Bev Oda Support Fund

Bev Oda, cropped from: UNDP Administrator Helen Clark with Canada Minister of International Cooperation Bev Oda, Haiti Donor Conference, March 31 2010 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bev Oda is a Canadian and a woman and a person of ethnic origins. Recently she has come under vicious attack. As a consequence, she has selflessly dished out thousands of dollars of her own money rather than, as is usual with public servants, spent our money instead.

This has set Bev so far back she has been reduced to drinking Tang!

This is bogus; it shall not stand! That is why the Ball Bounces has established the Bev Oda Support Fund. Will you help Bev get off Tang and back on fresh, hand-squeezed OJ?

Send your $5 cheque or PayPal donation to BallBounces c/o the internet. All funds will be forwarded to Bev, minus a modest administrative fee.

OJ Bev - innocent. OJ Simpson - innocent. Coincidence?

First Century Media Reports of Nativity Story

"Birth in Manger Reveals Looming Crisis in Housing and Transportation"

etc.

Life Blooms On Mars!!!

   Image by Mads Boedker via Flickr

"You bloom quickly, you do what you need to do, and you go dormant." -- description of life on Mars, based on "the science" circa 2011

Life on Mars? Yikes, this sounds like life on earth!

The evidence for this?

To paraphrase scientist Dr. Emmett Brown, "Evidence? Where we're going, we don't need evidence".

Or, as an eminent Mars explorer once put it, "To infinity ... and beyond!

Evolution News and Views has the full story.

Related articles

• You: Scientists Find Signs Water Is Flowing on Mars (nytimes.com)
• Hints of water spark hope for life on Mars (msnbc.msn.com)
• Is there life on Mars? (theage.com.au)
• Hints of Water Spark Fresh Hope for Life on Mars (space.com)
• Life On Mars (merovee.wordpress.com)
• Why we can't get enough of The Red Planet (independent.co.uk)
• Hello, is there anybody out there? (edmortimer.wordpress.com)
• Do scientist belive there is life on mars (wiki.answers.com)
• Late Night: Is There Life on Mars? (skydancingblog.com)
• Dark streaks guide search for life on Mars (nature.com)

A Solution To the NDP Separatist Leader Controversy

The National Post's Scott Stinson asks, "Was there no one else in the NDP’s 103-member caucus who could keep the seat warm for Mr. Layton’s return to Parliament and who would not spark questions about their divided loyalties?"

Fortunately, yes.

It would make a great made-for-TV movie.

Related articles

• NDP interim leader Turmel was Bloc Québécois member (cbc.ca)
• NDP caucus backs Turmel as interim leader (cbc.ca)
• Jack Layton's health woes spark political worries (counter.thestar.topscms.com)
• At the very least, Turmel's naïvete hurts NDP credibility (fullcomment.nationalpost.com)

Tonialla G's 15 Minutes Of Fame

It's a shame when your 15 minutes of fame is infamy. 


While you're at it, check out that Darwinian human/snail bonding thing in the photo accompanying the article. Is it just me, or is there some flirting going on on the snail's part, if not the woman's??!! -- Snails and humans have shared ancestry; it's only natural that a bit of residual flirty sexual attraction be present. This photo proves Darwinism! But, I digress...


The woman in the picture is not Tonialla G., she's the "security risk", and justice for her moves at a snail's pace.


Speaking of Tonialla, what is it with mothers who feel compelled to give their daughters "unique" names? Does this really help?


And that's the way the just-wondering Ball bounces.


article h/t Drudge.

Related articles

• The Sex Life Of The Snail (3quarksdaily.com)
• Darwin getting new boost from citizen scientists (cbsnews.com)
• Evolution in the back yard -- census of 750,000 banded snails leads to surprising results (eurekalert.org)

Photo Of William And Kate

I managed to snap a photo of William and Kate (lower right). First thing that strikes you is how incredibly tiny they are. Second thing is that they appeared, I dunno, strangely flat.

Canada's Goose Is Cooked...

                     Image via Wikipedia

"New York solves its Canada Goose problem by feeding them to Pennsylvania’s poor".

In retaliation, Canada plans to kill American Eagles and feed them to the families of impoverished striking postal workers.

Related articles

• St. John's postal workers want to deliver (cbc.ca)
• Postal workers hold rallies in 4 cities (ctv.ca)
• Union for locked out postal workers plans rallies (ctv.ca)
• Striking postal workers seek public's support (cbc.ca)
• Postal workers rally ahead of back-to-work law (cbc.ca)
• N.S. postal workers on the picket lines (cbc.ca)

Help The CUPW Posties!!!

                            Image via Wikipedia

The CUPW posties have a pension shortfall of three billion dollars and change. Help eliminate the shortfall now!!!  If all of you send what you can -- $5, $25, $50, I'll collect it, and, once it reaches the three bil mark, I'll pass it along to the posties (minus shipping (!) and handling).

If we all chip in, we can do this!!!

Send to:

Save The CUPW Posties Fund
c/o Ball Bounces
WWW Internet
Toronto, Canada

Related articles

• Montreal Next For Postal Worker Walkout (huffingtonpost.ca)
• Edmonton posties poised to strike (cbc.ca)
• Canada Post workers poised to strike in Montreal on Monday (thestar.com)
• Canada Post Strike Looms In The Face Of Stalled Negotiations (huffingtonpost.ca)
• Postal workers to walk out in Montreal (cbc.ca)
• Postal strike to hit Winnipeg first: union (cbc.ca)
• Postal workers walk off in Hamilton, continuing rolling strikes (theprovince.com)
• Postal workers prepare to go on strike in Montreal (ctv.ca)
• Postal workers walk off in Hamilton, continuing rolling strikes (canada.com)
• Postal workers walk off in Hamilton (canada.com)

Funny Clips From Media Research Center

Funny Clips From  Media Research Center.

The clips range from funny to hysterical. You have to wade through some mean-spirited conservative banter (and it is mean-spirited), but it's worth it to get to the Qadaffi one.

The NHL's Newest Team: Meet The Winnipeg Skeets!!!

                      Image via Wikipedia

Atlanta Thrashers moving to Winnipeg.

If it pans out, this is great.

We need to keep our money-losing NHL team in Phoenix. And Winnipeg gets to have its own money-losing team. It's win-win! (or lose-lose, depending on your perspective.)

Winnipeg - Phoenix: now, that's a great natural rivalry. They're north-south of each other. Plus, since the Phoenix Coyotes used to be the Winnipeg Jets, it's Winnipeg 2.0 vs. Winnipeg 1.0!

Now, for a name. How about the Winnipeg Skeets. It's a riff off of skates and mosquitos. Team Motto: "Float like a debenture, sting like a skeet!" I can hear the street-talk now: "how 'bout those Skeeters?!".  Hey, I'm registering the names now. Skeet™Skeeters™. They'll have to pay me! Team logo: A very menacing mosquito drawing blood -- if that's not hockey, I don't know what is!

It's a great day for the NHL! It's a great day for hockey! It's a great day for Canada! O Canada, our home...

I'll let you finish it off.

And that's the way the puck Ball Bounces.