Friday, January 23, 2009

Global Warming Death Rise: Oh, the Inhumanity!




We're still down here in Phoenix, enjoying that lucky old sun. USA Today has a blaring headline today reporting that deaths due to global warming are up more than 100% across Western US states.

If that isn't alarming enough, expert alarmist Phillip van Mantgem of the alarmingly alarmist U.S. Geologic Survey says, "Very likely the mortality rate will continue to rise".

Deaths have more than doubled. The mortality rate is on the rise. And becoming risier by the day. And it's all because you continue to drive your stupid car and buy your stupid food at the grocery store and obstinately refuse to adopt a more earth-friendly hunter-gatherer lifestyle!

But wait a minute. Didn't we report recently that more Americans die from excessive cold than excessive heat? What's going on here?

What's going on is this: the USA Today article dealing with deaths, death-rates, and mortality-rates is not talking about human beings (that's so passe). No, they are talking about something that matters, are you ready for this, trees. Trees. We're talking arbicide, not homicide.

Still, using the language of human mortality is a pretty catchy hook. I predict journalists are gonna fall for the hook, hook, line, and sinker.

But what about the "happening faster than expected" alarmist sub-text? Surely they didn't miss a chance to throw that in? Not at all. Right on schedule, here it is:

"Climate changes in mountain regions... are occurring at a much faster pace than has generally been recognized."

Did you catch that? It's not just climate change -- that we could handle. It's climate changes!!!!!!! And THEY are happening at a much faster pace than we thought. They are happening so fast, I find myself having to type faster jst 2 kp up.

So, there it is. Yesterday, we were merely doomed. Now, we are not only doomed, we are doomeder heading for doomedest.

Meanwhile, Drudge is reporting today that a Pew poll has global warming rated dead last as an American priority.

Dead last! Now that's a global warming death statistic even I can get behind.

And that's the way the still-cruising-after-all-these-years Ball bounces.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Were you abused by an environmentalist as a child?

BallBounces said...

No. At least, not like the hapless Africans who lost their lives due to Western environmentalists who demanded a ban on DDT -- a ban now rescinded. After the loss of 20,000,000 human lives.

"... nothing intellectually compelling or challenging.. bald assertions coupled to superstition... woefully pathetic"